Love in Layers: Lets Bake a Cake
A layer cake is a lot like a romantic relationship. At first glance, both look simple — inviting, beautiful, maybe even easy to make.
But once you start mixing, layering, and frosting… you realize there’s a little more to it.
You find your person. They are everything you need. You end up spending many years together. Have kids together. And come to find out, they weren’t your person after all. Talk about being crushed. Never would I have ever thought I would be divorced. I’m a Christian that is not something we were supposed to do.
It says God hates divorce in the Bible. This is true. (Malachi 2:16)
Its also true that the situation I was in was not the best. Separation would have been the best at that time, but that’s not what happened. The majority of the relationship was toxic. Toxicity was the foundation.
I lost myself. And from there began the decline of my inability to pick a qualified partner. I used to have so many regrets on not getting it right so many times. I’ve learned that I can’t beat myself about it. What happened is done and can’t be changed. What I can do? I can change my future.
The Ingredients Matter
You can’t make a good cake without the basics — flour, sugar, butter, eggs. You can try to swap them or skip one, but you’ll end up with something that just doesn’t hold together.
Relationships are the same way. The essentials — trust, communication, kindness, and respect — can’t be substituted. Without them, things might look fine on the outside, but they’ll fall apart as soon as life turns up the heat.
My previous situations in the past lacked all the basics necessary for a quality relationship. I knew better and yet I decided to consistently settle for inconsistent, disrespectful, amongst other things, men.
Mix With Care
In baking, there’s a thing called overmixing. You can stir and stir, thinking you’re making it better — only to end up with a tough, dry cake.
Turns out, love works the same way. You can’t force it or overwork it. Some things just need a gentle mix and a little time to come together. Relationships thrive when there’s patience, not pressure.
Layers Take Time
You can’t stack warm cake layers — trust me, it’s not going to end well. They have to cool before you can add the frosting, or everything will slide apart.
Love needs that same kind of consideration. You can’t rush or skip ahead to the “finished” part. Each season of a relationship — friendship, trust, commitment — has to set before you move to the next. Otherwise, things just… collapse. (And unlike frosting, tears don’t make good glue. LOL.)
The Filling Matters
It’s what’s between the layers that really holds a cake together — the curd, the frosting, the good stuff.
In love, that “filling” is the laughter, shared stories, forgiveness, and all those quiet moments when you choose each other again and again. Those are the sweet layers no one sees but make all the difference when life gets messy.
Please don’t allow someone to disrespect you. Don’t allow someone to ignore the boundaries you have put in place for yourself. I foolishly continued to allow my boundaries to be disrespected and continued to keep giving grace. Grace is not allowing someone to abuse you. We were not created to be someone’s punching bag. That includes verbally.
Frosting Hides Imperfections (and That’s Okay)
Let’s be honest — even the best baker has to smooth out an imperfection with frosting sometimes. And in relationships, we will have trying areas, too.
Sometimes love means choosing grace over criticism. A kind word, a soft touch, a little humor — those are the buttercream moments that make everything sweeter. Mind you, these kinds of behaviors are meant only for healthy relationships.
You only enable abusive behavior if it’s not addressed.
Because at the end of the day, it’s not about pretending everything’s perfect; it’s about making it beautiful anyway.
The Best Ones Are Made Together
The most delicious cakes — and relationships — happen when two people bring their own ingredients, mix them with intention, and build something beautiful together.
It’s not always pretty or easy. There may end up being flour everywhere, maybe a cracked layer or two, and definitely some taste-testing (quality control, right?). But it’s worth it.
Love, like baking, is a practice in patience, faith, and joy.
And if you do it right, you’ll end up with something layered in lasting sweetness.
Try It Yourself: Vanilla Layer Cake
Here’s a delicious recipe to remind you that even though you have to wait, the reward will be worth it in the end.
Ingredients
Cake:
2½ cups (280 grams) all purpose flour
2¼ teaspoons baking powder
¾ teaspoon salt
1⅔ cup (333 grams) granulated sugar
¾ cup (170 grams) unsalted butter, room temperature
3 large eggs, room temperature
1 tablespoon vanilla
1 cup (240 ml) buttermilk
Frosting:
1½ cups unsalted butter, room temperature
¼ teaspoon salt
5 cups powdered sugar
¼ cup cream or milk, to desired thickness
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Instructions
Preheat oven to 350F and prepare two 8 inch pans with baking spray. You can also use butter and flour for this.
Whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt in a bowl.
Cream the butter in a stand mixer or use an electric hand mixer. Add the sugar and beat on high 4-5 minutes. Make sure to scrap down the bowl occasionally. Add in the vanilla and eggs. Adding the eggs one at a time to incorporate at medium speed. Increase the speed and continue to mix for an additional minute or two.
Add the flour in three batches. You will alternate between flour and buttermilk. Ending with flour. Mix to almost completely combined and then begin to fold batter using a spatula. This is where you want to be careful not to overmix!
Pour batter evenly into each pan. Bake for about 30 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Let them cool for about 10 minutes after you remove from the oven. If not planning on frosting the same day, wrap each layer while still warm after the 10 minute cool down. If not, just let them cool completely on the rack.
Frosting:
Cream butter and salt until creamy. About 2-3 minutes. Add the sugar about a cup at a time on low. Add in the cream and vanilla. Scrape down the bowl and continue to mix on high for about 5 minutes.
Spread some frosting over the first layer of your cake. Add the second layer on top. Continue to cover cake in remaining frosting.
Life Is What You Bake It Reflection
“Someone is not required to be perfect to love you, but they should respect you.”
So the next time you bake — or love — remember: perfection isn’t the goal. Connection is.
Because whether it’s cake or relationships, both are about finding joy in the process… and maybe having a little frosting along the way.
Sweet Lessons in Layers of Love
• Cakes are used in most celebrations. What’s something worth celebrating in your life this week?
